Trump Cabinet invokes 25th Amendment

25th_imageNEWS RELEASE

The Dissociative Press
January 7, 2018

Today White House Chief of Staff John Kelly announced the decision of the Trump Cabinet to invoke the 25th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution to remove President Donald J. Trump from office.

The decision to begin the process of removal from office follows the Cabinet members’ review of the report of the president’s medical examination by an Army physician at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, MD, a report and decision that move the country closer to  a constitutional crisis.

While the Cabinet was acting on the Army physician’s conclusive medical findings of a personality disorder, rapidly progressing early dementia and other evidence of cognitive impairment, President Trump sent out a series of tweets calling the Walter Reed report a conspiracy by the military, the FBI, and the CIA, the equivalent of a military coup, and declaring he will not leave office under any circumstances.

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Mr. Trump immediately fired Chief of Staff John Kelly and Secretary of Defense James Mattis, the retired Generals at the center of what Mr. Trump called the military establishment, declaring that the Generals had ordered the Army physician to issue the faux report. Moments later Mr. Trump fired his lawyer and his entire Cabinet with the exception of Attorney General Jeff Session, who had abstained during the 25th Amendment vote, citing potential conflict of interest. Vice President Pence was out of the country for the week.

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders quickly called a 10:00 A.M. news conference but was escorted off the White House grounds at 9:31 A.M. by members of the Secret Service. Loyal to the President, Ms. Sanders met White House correspondents on the sidewalk of Pennsylvania Avenue beyond the gates to the White House property while the President continued to tweet from the White House living quarters to which he and the First Lady had retreated.

Ms. Sanders confirmed Mr. Trump’s assertion that the medical report is a hoax, arguing that the president had reluctantly yielded to General Kelly’s insistence that the medical examination be done at Walter Reed rather than by Mr. Trump’s long-time personal physician to avoid any public perception of a fraudulent report. Ms. Sanders drew the White House correspondents’ attention to Mr. Trump’s 9:47 A.M. re-tweet from his personal physician in New York declaring full confidence in Mr. Trump’s mental competence. “Donald Trump is the sanest man I’ve ever met,” he said. “He’s a genius, and a very stable one, at that.”

A further incoming tweet at 10:07 A.M. quoting First Lady Melania Trump interrupted Ms. Sander’s remarks, which Ms. Sanders read aloud to the press corps:

“I am a political prisoner. Politics is nothing but a cops and robbers game. I know dirty things. I saw dirty things. I am not going to stand for all those dirty tricks that go on. I am sick and tired of the whole operation.They threw me down on the bed, five men, and stuck a needle in my behind. A doctor stitched my fingers after the battle with five guards.”

martha_mitchellHearing Ms. Sanders read aloud the words alleged to have come from the First Lady, a member of the press whose White House coverage dates back to the Nixon Administration opined that the First Lady’s words sounded vaguely familiar before realizing the tweet was a verbatim quotation from Martha Mitchell, wife of the Nixon Administration Attorney General John Mitchell, claiming she had been kidnapped.

“It’s a hoax,” said the White House Correspondent. “Those aren’t the words of the Mrs. Trump. They are the words of Martha Mitchell during the Nixon Administration The tweet is plagiarism!”

Ms. Sanders replied that she had no idea who Martha Mitchell was, that she wasn’t even born until eight years after Nixon resigned, and that the reporter was making stuff up to cover up the faux medical exam and the coup taking place inside the White House. She ended the conference by calling on President Trump’s supporters to take to the streets in defense of the Constitution and the greatest president ever to serve the country.

220px-Charlottesville_Unite_the_Right_Rally_(35780274914)Within minutes the sidewalk of Pennsylvania Avenue was crowded with arm-to-arm Trump supporters carrying guns and signs with photos of the President’s personal physician, Dr. Strangeglove, and the confederate flag, calling for the resumption of the revolution to Make America Great Again that had been delayled in Charlottesville.

  • Gordon Stewart reporting for Dissociative, Jan. 7, 2018.

Deputizing the Cisco Kid and Poncho

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Pancho and the Cisco Kid

Troubled by criticism that he doesn’t love all the children — red and yellow, black and white, the way he was taught in Sunday School — and with loud cries criticizing his pardon of convicted former sheriff Joe Arpaio still haunting his sleep, President Trump had one of those “Aha!” moments from childhood television last night.

First thing this morning he tweeted an order to his Secretary of Homeland Security to look for help across the Mexican border from Cisco and Poncho of The Cisco Kid.

Be sure to watch to the end.

Then he broke out in song and sent the selfie to the faux news media and his newest friends, Charlie and Nancy: “Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, all are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.'”

  • Gordon C. Stewart, Chaska, MN, September 17, 2017.

 

The Amish Pope with the Trumps

The Amish don’t like cameras. Humility tells them to shun photographs. Why? Because a photograph draws attention to oneself. Christ calls a human being to be humble. Christ calls a person to be modest. Christ calls a person to take a place in the community and to shun “the English” love of ostentation and self-aggrandizement.

There are no Bentleys or Fords among the Amish, no one-percent and 99 percent, or, if there is the latter, no one can tell it by the buggies they drive. It’s the community that counts. They all wear black.

Maybe the president and his family thought the Pope was Amish? Although the Pope is robed in white linen, the Pope’s facial expression leaves one to wonder whether perhaps the Trumps were right.

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American Gothic and the Amish Pope

Gordon C. Stewart, Chaska, MN, May 26, 2017.

Over-the-Top

I blame it on the White House Chef.

Saturday morning should have started with a hot breakfast, but it didn’t. The President woke up tweeting over-the-top accusations against his predecessor, whose legitimacy (“not born in the U.S.A.”) he had spent a fortune to undermine, the black one whose two terms were without scandal. Suddenly, before breakfast arrived, the former President had become Nixon and Watergate and all things “sick” and “bad”.

Bugged by President Trump’s outrageous claims, FBI Director Comey immediately demanded that the Justice Department issue a statement that President Trump’s claim about Trump tower being bugged has no basis in fact. The Justice Department, led by Attorney General Jeff Sessions whose unexpected recusal from the Justice Department’s investigation of alleged Russian interference in the 2016 election had just infuriated the President, denied the FBI Director’s request.

The President is out of control – his own or anyone else’s. His fears, imagination, and impulses control him. Someone in the White House needs to tell the White House Chef to bring him his favorite breakfast at 5:00 a.m. before he turns the world upside down with over-the-top conspiratorial tweets or, instead, uses the nuclear codes to one-up Kim Jong Un.

Monday, March 6,  the six Monday of  A.T.* 1, the whole world depends on the White House Chef and kitchen.

*Anno Trump

  • Gordon C. Stewart, eating my Wheaties, the Breakfast of  Champions, Chaska, MN, March 6, 2017.

 

 

Trump Family Conversation 01/21/17

Melania: Donald! Quick. Look out the window! This is bad!

President: I don’t want to! I’m the President!

Ivanka: Dad, you have to. This is serious! There are hundreds of thousands of women out there, Dad, as far as the eye can see, many more than yesterday, and they’re not happy!

Barron: I saw it too, Dad. Don’t look! It’ll turn your hair white. You know how the hair of every president before you turned white. Don’t look! Women don’t know anything, Dad. Don’t listen to Mom – she’s a foreigner! And don’t listen to Ivanka, Dad – she’s a spy!

President: I’m proud of you, son. I’m going across the river to visit with my friends at the CIA. 

  • Gordon Stewart Faux News reporting, Day of the Women’s March, January 21, 2017.

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What every New Yorker knows about Donald Trump

For a good dose of both truth and humor, click What every New Yorker knows, a Washington Post piece about the presidential candidate whose name we ruefully deign to mention.

Gordon C. Stewart, Chaska, MN, September 22, 2016.

Verse – NRC

I fear for her life
haters speak their hate
Handgun rifle knife
Semi-automatic fate

Nothing could be worse
Her Chief Commander
USA will fail
To the blacks she’ll pander

Supreme Court she’ll stack
Liberal lawyers pack
Constitution lack
All have empty gun rack

Use them while we can
Vitriol drives our plan
Sneers give us our cue
We know what to do

  • Steve Shoemaker, Urbana, IL, July 21, 2016

Verse – Just a Common Man

I’m sleeping on sheets with 2,000 thread count.
My cars and my toilets all have heated seats.

My steaks are all prime & my pies are home-made.
My wife is a beauty & loves to be laid.

My pilot, my driver, my cook and my maid
All think I’m as perfect as a boss can be.

I earned what I have the old-fashioned way:
My parents were rich and gave me a start.

They helped when I failed, and cheered when I won.
We bought all the votes in the biggest landslide
Our State ever saw–ain’t democracy great?

  • Steve Shoemaker, Urbana, IL, April 10, 2016

President to Appoint first Muslim to Supreme Court

[An exclusive cutting edge “edgy” report on a wacky world from Views from the Edge]

Washington, D.C., Feb. 16, 2016

On the heels of The Onion’s announcement that President Obama is preparing “a short list of gay, transsexual abortion doctors” to fill the U.S. Supreme Court vacancy created by the sudden death of Justice Antonin Scalia (The Onion, Feb. 15), an anonymous source from the Office of Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) notified Views from the Edge of President Obama’s secret plan to appoint Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN) to become the first Muslim to sit on the nation’s highest court.

Mr. Ellison, an African American civil rights leader and criminal defense attorney, is the first Muslim elected to the U.S. Congress. Mr. Ellison quickly rose to leadership positions in the Congressional Black Caucus. He is one of only two members of Congress to support Democratic Socialist Senator Bernie Sanders’ bid for the Presidency. President Obama, according to the source, will make the appointment during the Congressional recess at a Black Lives Matter event at a time and location yet to be determined.

When Views from the Edge asked Senator Cruz’s Office to confirm the story, Senator Cruz, a Republic candidate for President, took the call himself, calling Obama a liar who has done great harm to this country and re-affirming his position that the Senate will block any nomination made by America’s secret Muslim President. “Congress will never recess before a new president is inaugurated in 2017,” said the Senator. “I look forward to making that appointment. I have a short-list ready to go.”

Asked whether the alleged nomination of Mr. Ellison would be worse than the appointment of someone from the President’s shortlist of gay, transsexual abortion doctors revealed by The Onion, Senator Cruz took the opportunity to denounce Donald Trump as a non-Republican, closeted liberal suspected of a longtime friendship with a New York liberal Presbyterian obstetrician with well-known tendencies, and declared that Trump’s nominee to replace Justice Scalia on the Court would be no better, and perhaps worse, than Mr. Obama’s.

When pressed for the names on his list of potential nominees, Mr. Cruz said it would be inappropriate at this time except to say it includes a committed Christian university president serving in Lynchburg, VA and a radio talk-show host he was in no rush to name.

  • Gordon C. Stewart, Chaska, MN, Feb. 16, 2016.