Elijah and the Big Parade

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Elijah asking about the Big Parade

Grandpa, are we going to the parade?

What parade, Elijah? It’s February 9. It’s not the Fourth of July.

What’s the Fourth of July? Is that a parade?

No, it’s the date we Americans celebrate our independence.

Yeah! I’m independent!

No, you’re actually quite dependent, Elijah. We all are.

Uh-uh! Kim Jung un’s not. Rocket Man’s liddle like liddle Bob Corker, liddle Adam Schiff. He’s not dependent! Neither am I!

Okay, okay, I’m sorry. There’s nothing wrong with being liddle, Elijah, especially when you’re eight-months old. Every one of us is liddle. Some of us accept it. Others have a lot of trouble with it. They need to feel big.

So are we going to You-Know-Who’s big parade, Grandpa?

No, there’s not going to be a parade.

Why not? You’ve been wrong before! You said You-Know-Who could never get elected. How do you know?

Okay. I don’t know. I’m hoping some of the adults in his cabinet and in Congress will convince him it’s an un-American idea. But You-Know-Who doesn’t like traitors, and he likes big parades. He might decide to do his Bigger-than-Kim Jung un’s Military Parade on the Fourth of July to show he’s biggest.

 

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New McDonald’s GRAND Big Mac

Yeah. He needs some comfort food! Send Melania a text, Grandpa! Quick before he wakes up! Tell Melania to get some Big Macs for breakfast! Do they have Big Macs in North Korea?

 

No, they don’t have McDonald’s in North Korea. Big Macs aren’t good for you. Too many Big Macs will kill you. They’re big, but they’re not comfort food. Comfort food makes you comfortable with being liddle. Not BIG with a need for a Military Parade.

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Mom says this cartoon is “off color”, Grandpa, but I see lots of color. I’m liddle but I know some stuff! But I’ll tell Mom to X out the Fourth of July on our calendar. We’re not going to the parade! Some things should stay liddle, right Grandpa?

  • – Grandpa Gordon, writing from the land of Goofy and Donald Duck, Orlando, Florida, Friday, Feb. 9, 2018.

 

Liddle Elijah and Grandpa

Grandpa, we’re supposed to respect people, right?

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Elijah asks about the president and senator corker

Yes, Elijah, that’s part of growing up.

Yeah, I’m not growed up yet. I’m liddle.

Well, yes, but it’s “grown” up, and you spell ‘little’ with two ‘t’s not two ‘d’s.

That’s not how the president spells it. Who am I supposed to respect more, you or the president?

 

Hmm. When it comes to spelling and not calling people names, I think Grandpa may deserve a little more respect, but that’s just Grandpa’s opinion. But the president called Senator Bob Corker ‘liddle’ and meant it as an insult. Senator Corker is short; he’s little compared to the President. But a person’s physical stature shouldn’t matter to grown-ups. Do you understand?

And what about that IQ thing?  What’s an IQ?

Lots of people are asking that question these days.

Is having a higher IQ like being taller? I’m tall. Dr. Smith said I’m in the top 94 percentile of four-month-olds! What’s a percentile?

It’s a way of measuring, Elijah. It’s complicated. It’s just a statistic. But it gives me comfort that the percentage of people approving of the president seems to have become littler in all 50 states between last January and September.

We like little, right Grandpa?

We do, Elijah. Sometimes we do.

“I look to a day when people will not be judged by [their height], but by the content of their character.” — Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

  • Grandpa Gordon, Chaska, MN, October 11, 2017.