Grandpa, do I need lawyers?

Oh, my! Why would you think you need a lawyer, Elijah?

IMG_0255I didn’t say ‘lawyer’, Grandpa. I said ‘lawyers.’ Sometimes you don’t hear so well or just don’t listen. But that’s okay. So, how many lawyers should I have? How many do you and Grandma have?

Right now we don’t have a lawyer, Elijah. We don’t need one.


Well, we don’t have need for one, and our lawyer retired, so she’s no longer practicing law.

You have to practice to be a lawyer? Can we practice being lawyers?

It’s confusing. Practice doesn’t mean trying, like trying to walk or say ‘Grandpa’ or throwing the ball to Barclay. It’s a different kind of practice.


Fred Trump

Yeah, and you can’t practice alone if you’re a lawyer, right? I’ve been watching Ari on The Beat. Michael Cohen’s a lawyer and he has lots of lawyers. President Trump has lots of lawyers. He keeps hiring and firing them. So how many lawyers should we have, Grandpa. You need at least ONE.

Okay, I see where you’re going. But Grandpa doesn’t need a lawyer right now. Neither does Grandma or your Mom. We’re not in any trouble.

I’m in trouble, Grandpa. ICE is coming to my daycare! I know my rights under the Constitution! But Juan and Carlos don’t have rights like me. Their parents don’t either. We’ve been practicing what to do if ICE comes to our daycare. I’m going to be a lawyer when I grow up!

Good for you, Elijah. But before you think about practicing law, let’s practice saying ‘Mama’ and ‘Grandpa’. So far ‘Uh-oh!” is your only word. You need more words, not more lawyers.

  • Grandpa Gordon, Chaska, MN, April 21, 2018.
This entry was posted in Family, Humor, Life, society and tagged , , , by Gordon C. Stewart. Bookmark the permalink.

About Gordon C. Stewart

I've always liked quiet. And, like most people, I've experienced the world's madness. "Be Still! Departure from Collective Madness" (Wipf and Stock Publishers, Jan. 2017) distills 47 years of experiencing stillness and madness as a campus minister and Presbyterian pastor (IL, WI, NY, OH, and MN), poverty criminal law firm executive director, and social commentator. Our dog Barclay reminds me to calm down and be much more still than I would be without him.

6 thoughts on “Grandpa, do I need lawyers?

    • So true, Marilyn. The truth is that Elijah said Mama two days ago while sitting at our dining room table. He sits at one end. I sit at the other. I look at him and said, “Say ‘Ma-ma’!” and darned if he didn’t. Kristin and Kay burst into laughter. Elijah was beside himself with the joy of his first word, bouncing in his chair, throwing back his head, waving his arms, and laughing. A moment to remember for a lifetime.


  1. Elijah, suggest to your Grandpa that he make another book, this time richly illustrated, with all your wise questions and observations, and your Grandpa’s wise and humorous answers. By the time you are two or three years old he will have a Dickens or Tolstoy sized book with many wonderful pictures, and much humor and wisdom. It might be a decent commercial investment too. I would certainly buy one for me and one for my friends.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Ms. Kidder,

      Grandpa says I shouldn’t call old people by their first names, people like you and him and Barb — I mean the other Ms. Kidder. I asked Grandpa to do a book with me a couple of days ago. He said I have to say ‘Mama’ first. So you know what I did? I looked right at him and did it! I said ‘Mama’! So now Grandpa owes me a book, but now he says he’ll do it after I say ‘Grandpa’! Maybe if YOU tell him about the money? Maybe he’ll do it like Dickens and Tolstoy. Is that a law firm?


  2. Elijah, sometimes it is very helpful to have a limited understanding of how mature you are compared to people with nuclear codes and boundary issues.

    Liked by 1 person

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