This came to our attention this morning. As the proud father of a gay son and as a pastor now free to officiate at same-sex weddings, this Comedy Central video had me doubled over. Enjoy.
Gay Wedding Q and A
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Category Archives: Humor
Verse – The Face of Baseball
The football guys wear yoga pants,
The B-ball boys show skin and tats,
We each comb out our beard,
Or grow mustaches weird,
So women know we’re such cool cats.
– Steve Shoemaker, October 16, 2014
Verse – A Dream of True Communion
It may have been the National
Cathedral–it was some great pile
of stones, some high Episcopal
Church where little me was the pale
imitation of a real Priest
for the day. I could not find pants,
or robe, and that was just the least
fatal of my embarrassments.
I did not have the words to say
for Mass, for Holy Communion —
my mind had left to go and play
in some old grade school reunion.
“Just take this bread,” I said, “and eat.
Remember Jesus–have a treat!”
– Steve Shoemaker, Urbana, IL, October 14, 2014
Boyhood Transportation
You take a playing card and steal
a clothes pin from the hanging bag
on the green line in the back yard.
The jack of spades looks best, you feel,
against the spokes of your old bike
and adds a clatter as you ride.
Behind you flies a pirate flag,
a decal shows the team you like
upon the bumper: the White Sox!
The squeegee horn is close at hand.
The noises really help the bike
since Dad has never fixed the brakes!
– Steve Shoemaker, Urbana, IL, Oct. 6, 2014
Fall Football in South Bend
Tullamore Dew Irish Whiskey
Those brats were the best tailgate food,
And the cobbler sure lightened our mood,
But the flush on our faces,
And our staggering paces,
Proves the whiskey from Ireland was good!– Steve Shoemaker, Urbana, IL, October 2, 2014
Editor’s Note: This is the second of four pieces sent to Views from the Edge this morning. South Bend, Indiana is the home of the “Fightin’ Irish” of Notre Dame. Tailgate parties in the parking lots of football stadia have become a tradition before American football games.
Need a laugh about same old politics? Watch this!
Support Gil Fulbright for Senate and Represent Us.
Two Polyps Next
Under the Knife
14 times in 71 years
1. In the 1940s
little boys
all were circumcised.
No waiting for day eight,
purely for health,
snip–did I mind?
Who knows. Now?
I still like
the little fellow.
2. Most kids then
had their tonsils out.
About two, I spoke little:
the promised ice cream
I called “hobledy,”
but my throat hurt
too much to eat it.
3. At seminary, married,
worked a summer on
construction, needed
hernia repair. Kind doc
charged only what
insurance paid.
Two days in hospital then:
passed out trying to pee.
It took three nurses to get me
from floor to bed.
4. More grad school,
second hernia repair,
used the bedpan.
5. 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Back to home town,
middle-age: back surgery,
heart surgery, belly button
hernia repair, remove malignant
polyp from colon,
remove cyst on inside
of eardrum, prostate biopsy
that led to sepsis.
11, 12, 13. Old age:
right knee replacement,
cataracts removed
from both eyes,
14. Coming up:
remove two polyps
from nostrils.
Not counting
colonoscopies…
-Steve Shoemaker, Urbana, IL, August 15, 2014
incomparable
I do not like
that she said like
like ten times
in twenty words
Nothing is like
anything else
really
– Steve Shoemaker, Urbana, IL, August 3, 2014
Editor’s Note: If you really like this . . . I mean REALLY like it because it’s like nothing else you’ve ever read . . . please let Steve know you like it.
The Mouse and the Six-Feet Eight Man
Tough Guy
Suddenly a mouse is here
from nowhere.
I am so much bigger,
but startled,
jump up on the couch
and yell for my little,
but fierce, wife.
(Thank you Will S.
for just the right words.)
Her broom saves me.
I return to reading,
but scan the floor
regularly, uneasily,
fearfully.-Steve Shoemaker, August 2, 2014
Steve’s memory prompts one of my own from years ago at our home in Cincinnati.
My parents were visiting at the time. My mother, like Steve, was lying on the couch reading when she spotted a mouse, her worst nightmare. She leapt up on the couch and screamed. “Ick! There’s a mouse in here!”
For the next 10 minutes the little mouse scampered around the living room, ran up the drape cord on the right side of the double patio door, across the top of the doors, and down the cord on the left side. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Maxine, the slow-witted cat, sat quietly, swiveling her head from right to left, watching with feline detachment while one of the humans got a paper bag and a broom from the kitchen. Whatever fear there was quickly turned to the side-splitting laughter as the oppressed little creature scurried past us and through the broom sweeper’s legs legs to the opposite end of the living-dining room, under the dining room table, back to the other end past the swishing broom until at long last it found its exodus from pharaoh’s persecution through the patio doors which, at long last, the tough guys had the good sense to open.
Over the years I’ve come to believe there is no difference between a man or woman and a mouse. We’re all mice. Somewhere a mouse is laughing at us.
– Gordon
Of cataracts and Gampas
Steve Shoemaker sent this today following cataract surgery.
Verse – cataract surgery
drugs keep you
semi-asleep
while tiny
instruments
enter
your eyeball
guided by
an all-seeing
surgeon
restoring
perfect
vision
that may
have never
been there
before
– Steve Shoemaker, Urbana, IL July 9, 2014
Editor’s Additon: Cataracts come with aging, which reminds me of a story. When my son John was three years old, his grandfather came to town for a visit. John said, “Gampa, I have a penis.” “Yes,” said Gampa, “youre a boy. All boys have penises.” “Yeah,” said John, “and then we grow up. My Daddy has a penis.” “Yes,” said his grandfather trying to contain the laughter, “and some day you’ll grow up to be a man like Daddy.” “Yeah,” said John, “Daddy’s is bigger.” “Well, yes, that’s because Daddy is a lot older.” “Yeah,” said John, his eyes getting wider and his hands moving apart, “and you’re a LOT older. I’ll bet yours is REALLY big!”
Views from the Edge 