The nurse said I had “Chemo Brain”,
From writing, I just should refrain;
But I have the notion
That writing’s the potion
To retrain the brain to be sane.
President Obama to 106-year-old admirer during Black History Month visit to the White House: “Slow down now! Don’t go to quick!”
When asleep I dream I am awake–
Time goes by, I learn that’s a mistake.
I hope when I die
I dream I am alive
I will take that good cake at the wake!
[Brother Dave: please bake your famous carrot cake in memory of that time I ate half of it…]
Hers may be lacy, but this you can mark,
Even if sweat pants, it’s always a lark:
He can take hers off quickly,
And when she turns prickly,
Big buttons on his she can find in the dark!
[An exclusive cutting edge “edgy” report on a wacky world from Views from the Edge]
Washington, D.C., Feb. 16, 2016
On the heels of The Onion’s announcement that President Obama is preparing “a short list of gay, transsexual abortion doctors” to fill the U.S. Supreme Court vacancy created by the sudden death of Justice Antonin Scalia (The Onion, Feb. 15), an anonymous source from the Office of Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) notified Views from the Edge of President Obama’s secret plan to appoint Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN) to become the first Muslim to sit on the nation’s highest court.
Mr. Ellison, an African American civil rights leader and criminal defense attorney, is the first Muslim elected to the U.S. Congress. Mr. Ellison quickly rose to leadership positions in the Congressional Black Caucus. He is one of only two members of Congress to support Democratic Socialist Senator Bernie Sanders’ bid for the Presidency. President Obama, according to the source, will make the appointment during the Congressional recess at a Black Lives Matter event at a time and location yet to be determined.
When Views from the Edge asked Senator Cruz’s Office to confirm the story, Senator Cruz, a Republic candidate for President, took the call himself, calling Obama a liar who has done great harm to this country and re-affirming his position that the Senate will block any nomination made by America’s secret Muslim President. “Congress will never recess before a new president is inaugurated in 2017,” said the Senator. “I look forward to making that appointment. I have a short-list ready to go.”
Asked whether the alleged nomination of Mr. Ellison would be worse than the appointment of someone from the President’s shortlist of gay, transsexual abortion doctors revealed by The Onion, Senator Cruz took the opportunity to denounce Donald Trump as a non-Republican, closeted liberal suspected of a longtime friendship with a New York liberal Presbyterian obstetrician with well-known tendencies, and declared that Trump’s nominee to replace Justice Scalia on the Court would be no better, and perhaps worse, than Mr. Obama’s.
When pressed for the names on his list of potential nominees, Mr. Cruz said it would be inappropriate at this time except to say it includes a committed Christian university president serving in Lynchburg, VA and a radio talk-show host he was in no rush to name.
…and I Eat Lifesaver ™ Candy
The Doc said pancreatic Cancer,
No more a geriatric Dancer,
But may the gods bless her,
My Yoga instructor
Gives only a lifesaving Answer!
[Several of my friends practice
Yoga as well as Lutheran.
Presbyterian, or Episcopalian!]
It’s Ash Wednesday. I put on my ministerial robe 15 minutes before the traditional Service that marks the beginning of Lent with the imposition of ashes and go the drawer of the credenza.
“They’re missing! Where are the ashes?!”
Every year I store the ashes in the credenza in my office. I’ve forgotten that we’d moved the credenza from my office last fall. I rush downstairs to look for it. No credenza anywhere. Then…I remember. We sold it at the Annual Fall Festival!
“Somebody has our ashes!”
What to do with no ashes? Burn some newspapers? Smoke a cigar and use the ashes? No time.
I grab a pitcher and pour water into the baptism font.
We begin the Service with the story of the missing ashes. Smiles break out everywhere. Maybe even with signs of relief. “Instead of the imposition of ashes this year, we will go to the font for the waters of baptism, the waters of the renewal of life.”
We have some fun justifying the change in the Service, focusing on the that part of the Gospel text for the day – the words of Jesus himself. “And when you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen my others….But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret…”(Mt. 6:16-18).
People come to the font, one-by-one, for “the Imposition of … [Water]”. I dip my hand into the font. “Pat, (making the sign of the cross on her forehead), “Dust to dust; ashes to ashes. Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return. You are a child of God. Live in this peace.”
After the Service is over, one of the worshipers asks whether anyone has done the same for me. She reaches her hand into the font. “Gordon, dust to dust, ashes to ashes. Remember…You are a child of God…..”
I’ll never forget it. Neither will they. And somewhere in this world a stranger has a credenza with a sack full of ashes. Whoever you are, feel free to keep them. They’re all yours.
In the middle of the night after taking a sudden fall at the gas pump, it occurred to me: “It was the shoes!”
These shoes – or should I call them ‘boots’? – are HEAVY. The expensive, indestructible H.S. Trasks weigh five pounds.
After wearing myself out on the gym treadmill walking @ three miles an hour for 14 minutes (up two minutes from the last vigorous workout) in my newly purchased near-0-pound black Skecher Pillar sneakers, I re-shoed my feet with the H.S. Tracks, recommended by my brother-in-law Craig years ago, for the trip to Costco.
Maybe it was the shoes that caused the fall over the gas hose. Maybe not. But if it was the shoes, which pair was to blame? The new light-weight gym shoes? Or the five pound Trasks I’ve worn five years without falling?
I rolled over and went back to sleep. “Nah, I’m not going to blame the shoes. It’s my story and I’m sticking with it: it was the exercise. It’s bad for my health!”
Silver Sneakers Logo
So…I wrote earlier today about slowing down. I’m trying. But my doctor and Kay insist I not slow down too fast or I may come to a dead stop. Begrudgingly, I’ve started to take their advice. I joined the health club as a Silver Sneaker or something like that.
This morning Kay and I worked out before going to Costco to get the Prius’s tires rotated, a precautionary move similar to exercise – regular tire rotation will keep the tires from dying before their time.
The tire rotation appointment is for 1:00. It takes 45 minutes. We walk around Costco, get a few groceries, have a bite of lunch, pick up the car, load the groceries, start driving home, and remember we need gas.
It’s after 2:00 p.m. now, past time for my nap with Barclay, but I pull into the gas station, pull up to the pump, stop the car, do the credit card thing, insert the gas hose, and start pumping. Then it occurs to me to check out the windshield for cleaning.
“Are you okay, Sir? Are you okay?” asks the young man who’s come to my aid.
I’m face down feeling old and foolish. “Damn gas hose!” The hose was too high for leg muscles exhausted from working out. I had tripped over the gas hose.
Kay is oblivious to all this, sitting quietly in the passenger seat, her head down, traveling elsewhere in the universe, texting someone not lying on the ground next the car.
“What happened?” she asks as I get back in the car. “I fell. It must have been the exercise. I’ve NEVER tripped like that before. I told you. Exercise is bad for my health!”
“Multi-talented and always interested in mechanics and construction, Nick continually renovated the house at Olson Gulch. He was especially interested in various heating methods and experimented with solar, waste oil burners and various wood-based fuels. Unfortunately, he didn’t leave the instruction manual.
“After graduating from high school and spending some time in college, Nick joined the Army in 1953 and was stationed in South Korea. Nick never said much about the two years he spent serving his country, except to say that he was cold the whole time, the kimchee smelled terrible and the water was unusable!”
A construction and ironworker, Nick “started at the Anaconda Job Corps in 1983, as a maintenance mechanic where he enjoyed working with the staff and students until his retirement in 1995.”
– Excerpts from the Montana Standard obituary published January 26, 2016.
Allyn “Nick” Harris, 82, of Anaconda passed away surrounded by family on Jan. 25, 2016.
Nick was a “mainstay” at St. Timothy’s Memorial Chapel, the summer chapel overlooking Georgetown Lake. Blessings and peace to the experimenter’s wife, Lois, children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Views from the Edge 