I’m sleeping on sheets with 2,000 thread count.
My cars and my toilets all have heated seats.

My steaks are all prime & my pies are home-made.
My wife is a beauty & loves to be laid.

My pilot, my driver, my cook and my maid
All think I’m as perfect as a boss can be.

I earned what I have the old-fashioned way:
My parents were rich and gave me a start.

They helped when I failed, and cheered when I won.
We bought all the votes in the biggest landslide
Our State ever saw–ain’t democracy great?

• Steve Shoemaker, Urbana, IL, April 10, 2016