The following conversation took place this morning with Barclay, the five year old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, in a warm living room in Chaska, Minnesota where it’s -33 degrees F outside.
I’m not going!
You have to!
‘Cause you’re a dog.
But it’s 26 degrees BELOW ZERO out there! It’s only 10 above in Antarctica!
I know. We’ll make it quick. I promise.
Oh, sure! What you mean, “We’ll make it quick?”
We’ll go out and go real fast.
Easy for you to say. You have a big coat and boots!
But you’re a dog. You have a coat.
You’re makin’ stuff up. You’re prejudiced!
I’m not prejudiced!
There’s no way to prove I’m not.
Uh-huh! You go outside and I’ll go inside!
You can’t go inside and I can’t go outside.
‘Cause dogs go outside and humans go inside. I’d get arrested for indecent exposure.
See. I told you! You’re prejudiced. I’m not going out there!
Barclay, I’m sorry. There’s no alternative.
Uh-huh!!!! It’s warm in the basement.
But the basement’s part of the house. You’re a dog. You know the rule. You can’t go in the house!
I’m not going out there! You have paper towels. Take me to the basement! It’s warm down there.
How about I put on your winter coat and your booties?
Okay! Deal!!! You put on my winter coat and booties . . . then we go in the basement!
- Gordon C. Stewart, Chaska, Minnesota, January 30, 2019.