One: God, remind me of my neighbor,
take away my pride.
…
Two: God, remind me of my power,
don’t let me run and hide.
– Steve Shoemaker, Urbana, IL, March 26, 2012
How’s it going with your neighbor, pride, power/ powerlessness, running and hiding? Just a question. Steve’s poems sometimes get under my skin! 🙂 How about yours?
Views from the Edge 
I haven’t thought this all the way through, but my reaction is that women–especially those of my age–have been taught to always think of others and do for others, and to always place themselves 2nd. Or 3rd, or 4th…..However, as we destroy ourselves doing this, we attempt to overcome by manipulating others in order that we can be the best wives and mothers and have the best husbands and children. I associate the word selfless with the idea that as we care about and love ourselves, we can become selfless as we relate to and show caring for others.
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Cynthia, thanks. What dynamnic genius in “You shall love your neighbor AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF.”
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Maybe it is that we, as women, often feel powerless, be cause we do not have a pride in self? Have to think on this a bit…..
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Ah! Keep thinking…. Interesting. Are Pride and pride two different things perhaps?
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I remember in the mid-90s, talking with friends and classmates at sem about pride and women’s sin. I wish I could remember who said this:
Male sin: PRIDE
Women’s sin: PR_DE. (No “I”)
I think that’s true. I don’t think pride is the biggest concern for women, though I would agree that it is for men. At least, that’s what my male colleagues have said. I’m not saying there are no prideful women, but in my experience as a pastor and chaplain, women are more likely to sin against themselves through lack of self-respect, self-regard.
When I worked at a domestic violence shelter, we took unscientific surveys as we tried to understand our clients better. One of the questions we asked was this: Who are the top five people on your list of those you are most concerned for?
They answered with the names of various family members; children, parents, siblings, even the perpetrator. Among all the several hundred women who came to our shelter for help, not one ever put herself on the list. Ever. When we pointed that out to them, and asked them to consider themselves on the list, some were even highly offended that we dare suggest such a thing.
Granted, it was a specific demographic, but I’ve found similar attitudes everywhere I’ve gone. It seems to me that there is a slow change for the better happening, but there is still a long way to go.
There you go Gordon, a loooong answer to a rather short post. You never know what’s going to happen when you put fingers to keyboard – right?
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This is SO true to my experience. I’ve thought the same many times. But as a guy with a big ego competing with other guys with big or bigger egos, the male sin has been my sin.
I think Kosuke Koyama’s statement that there is only one sin – exeptionalism – moves the discussion into another dimension. For men, exceptionalism takes the form of pride/hubris/power/control whereas for women,perhaps, exceptionalism takes the form of believing that one is the exception to basic rights and needs for respect, compassion, tenderness, an “I” that is seen, precious, and at the center demanding that I be seen. That I NOT be invisible or taken for granted. Something on that order maybe? I don’t know. What do you think? In essence the male exceptionalism is self-centeredness; the female exceptionalism is self-less- ness? Maybe? Or not?
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That concept of exceptionalism is interesting. Women have only even been able to vote for about 100 years, and that was still 50 years after African-American men got the right to vote. It brings to my mind women like Mary Magdalene who found Jesus’ tomb empty – not a man, a woman. Or Rosa Parks who quietly refused to give up her seat on a bus – maybe that’s an example of selfishness? but she never made a big deal about it, after the African-American movement to boycott the buses ended she wasn’t even mentioned in the newspaper for it.
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Very interesting, Amanda. Rosa Parks is one of my heroes. She was bold. She was courageous. She was neither selfish or self-less. She put her body in that bus seat as a physical way of singing the statement we used to march to in the Civil Rights Movement: “I AM SOMEBODY!” and “Ain’t goin’ to let nobody turn me round, turn me round, turn me round. Ain’t goin’ to let nobody turn me round!” It seems to me that the human call is to take our places on the bus, neither selfishly nor self-lessly – until it really doesn’t matter who sits where at any given moment in time. There are no assigned (exceptioinal) seats. Not in the front, and not in the back. So glad you came by the blog, Amanda. Have a great weekend. Grace and Peace.
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